Impostor

It's been a while since my last post.  This is mostly because I have been feeling like an impostor.  I blog as a creative outlet and way to put my life out there.  If it's not really me then why put it out there?  There are a few reasons that I feel this way, here's a bit more about that.

First, my creative energy has been focused elsewhere lately.  I'm working on a project that has been consuming my creative energy.  I can't tell you what it is just yet but watch for a post in the coming week.  It's a doozy!  Working on this project, I suffered a thumb injury which caused me to lose part of my nail and leave the nail bed exposed.  Is that one of the most painful and annoying injuries on the planet or what?!  It's really hard to type with a big bandage on your thumb!  If you've received cryptic short texts from me, now you know why.

Secondly, I have been having sinus trouble (which I often do).  I'm not sure if it's a new allergy, perhaps it's a bad year for pollen, who knows but I have been down for the count.  All the while, my husband has been dealing with a health issue that has him down for the count as well.  Adding concern and care taking to my list has been overwhelming.  I didn't tell alot of people about him being sick so my work mates thought I was working short days just because I was sick.  My current stressful work situation kept me from being there for him during two important appointments.  He's a big boy, he would never admit to needing me but I should have driven him, waited with him and carried his coat.  That's what partners do.  Instead I went to work.  The guilt from that has been bothering me but I have to let it go.  I won't make that mistake again, this family IS my top priority.  He is going to be fine by the way.  I'm going to blog another day about Mark when he's sick but I'm sure that will not be his favorite one.  LOL!

Third and finally, I had another revelation yesterday about this odd feeling in my gut.  I have two men that I work pretty closely with come to me yesterday (separately) and ask if I was ok.  I laughed it off and said that I was just fine and why on earth would they ask?  They both said they knew I hadn't been feeling well but that I didn't seem like myself.  Duh...  That's when I started to play back the last 10 days in my mind and see how it was affecting me.  There hasn't been one normal thing.  I haven't been blogging and I haven't been walking.  Driving to work allowed me the freedom to come and go when I needed to.  For weeks before this I have been riding the bus which means walking 3 miles a day 3-5 times a week.  I miss it.  That's why I feel like an impostor, I haven't been moving my body or connecting to my writing outlet.  I'm glad those guys asked me if I was ok.  It made me realize that yes, I'm just fine.  I need to get back to the things that remind my body that I'm alive and well. 

Ok, I've got a bus to catch, see ya'll tomorrow!