Stop the Madness!

Yesterday, after several calls to a credit union resulted in disconnection midstream I lost my cool.  I didn't scream or yell but I was furious!  It was month end which meant my plate was overflowing.  In addition, I was helping my daughter secure financing for a car.  I love helping her but I was feeling pressed!  It was mid-afternoon and one after the other the calls dropped.  I had a meeting coming up and lots to do.  I felt like this picture!  On the verge of yanking my phone from the wall and smashing it into the ground, I called my husband.  I said "please take over I'm going to explode, I can't do it".  Luckily taking a tone with him was fine because he knew that my grievance had nothing to do with him.  And of course, he took over so I could let it go!  Thanks Mark!

Hours later, almost done for the day and feeling much more calm, I was on a work related call and sure enough the call dropped.  All this time, it was my phone system dropping the call.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I was drilling my anger at these poor credit union employees through the phone!  Even though I didn't say anything to them, I know my energy traveled right through the phone lines.  I wondered how it was for them and were they as pissed as me?  After realizing this, I was once again reminded how normal an emotion anger is.  It's an energy that I can allow to flow in my own space and it can be such a healing!  Directing it outward isn't a healing for me or the credit union!

One of the reasons these dropped calls bothered me so much is because I'm overwhelmed!  The topic of prioritization comes up all the time.  The problem is that everyone has their own idea of how I should be prioritizing.  As I've mentioned, my life is about balance.  If I had been more in balance yesterday the magnitude of the dropped calls would have been proportionate.  There were items in the day that I said yes to that should've been a no.  Saying no seems like a personal failure.  I'm a Mom for crying out loud are you saying I can't do it all?  Truthfully, I have no desire to do it all so what the hell am I doing?? 

I am reminded of Steven Covey's 4 Quadrants from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  Disclaimer:  I have not read the whole thing, hopefully I'm not taking it out of context.  The theory is that the more time you spend in quadrant 2 not urgent but important the less time you'll spend in quadrant 1 urgent and important.  It's just a theory...