I would rather sit here and type a lie right now but I won't. It would be easier than to admit the truth that it was a tough day. My enthusiasm waned today. Then, when I least expected it, my day dramatically improved, courtesy of my daughter.
First, let me say that I have the most supportive husband on the planet. I've said that before, I want to shout it now. I realized this morning that my ambitious plans went without considering his feelings. He was up all night worrying about money. Who can blame him, this is a scary time in our lives. I feel so guilty I could vomit, who wants their best friend to be up all night worrying? The guilt will not help anything so I should let it go but I'm having a hard time. I am indeed responsible for worrying the poor man to sleeplessness. Lesson learned, I jumped ahead and got wild ideas that are outside the comfort zone.
I have made many choices in my life that have not been wise. I realized today that your choices never stop being your choices, they are cast in cement. At the beginning of our relationship I made choices about money that crippled our plans. I'm responsible for that. In Mark's mind, I will always be "that girl". Not for the lack of forgiveness but for self preservation. He would be foolish not to remember and be cautious. I have to find a way to own that. It's my scarlet letter. No matter how much you change, others will never forget the things you would rather they did.
The bright spot in my day came from my lovely daughter! I can't post the secretive details, we have very dear friends that are moving across the country. We wanted to send them off with something to remember us by. I consider myself creative but my daughter blows my freakin' mind. She had the idea, procured the supplies and taught me THE COOLEST thing! We had a blast and the creative energy really perked up my spirits. I can't say enough how blessed I am!! I'll post the pictures of our endeavor in a couple of days.
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